Is Adoption Right for You?
You may begin reading this article already knowing the answer to this question. Perhaps you have already decided that it is or isn’t for you. If you came to your conclusion quickly, I’d like to present you with an opportunity to set that aside and start afresh. If not, may this help confirm the choice you’ve made. After all, whether or not adoption is for you is something that may take time to answer. My hope is that this will set you on a path to exploring what may be a life-changing journey.
First, I want to let you know that this is a question that I personally asked myself countless times over the course of a couple of years. Early in our marriage, my husband and I started having casual chats about adoption. This eventually led to serious conversations about it and several months of praying before we were able to fully and wholeheartedly answer this question. It’s not an easy question to answer and I do believe it’s something that you’re going to have to wrestle with for a while before you’re able to settle on it in your heart. You see, knowing that adoption is right for you is just the beginning- eventually it is about knowing the right time, how to start the process, and knowing who should walk with you through this adoption journey.
For now, here some reasons why we think adoption would be right for you:
1. If you believe that Adoption is a reflection of the Gospel
As a Christian, I believe that adoption is beautiful reflection of the gospel. If you are looking for a case study or testimonial on successful adoption, I’d like to invite you to dig deep into the Word of God and visit the story of how God the Father sent Jesus Christ to save us from our sins so that we could be adopted as sons and daughters. I think it is a great privilege to be able to experience the gospel in a new way when we adopt children into our earthly families.
In the Christian world, we hear about adoption and the orphan situation a lot. We hear about it but it feels so distant sometimes that we rarely ask ourselves if adoption is for us. If you are a Christian, I would really encourage you to pray and bring this question to God himself. I can imagine that it is very easy to assume that adoption is not for your family when you look at all the practical considerations.
We’d like to invite you to take some time to pray about it, to talk to your spouse and your family, and to really take the time to consider this beautiful thing called adoption.
2. If you Recognize that your DNA is not that special
Biology is not the only way God builds families. There’s this quote by Oprah Winfrey that says that “biology is the least of what makes one a mother.” That resonates with me so much because when we adopted our daughter there was nothing about her that was biologically similar to me. Our DNA is different, we look different, we come from different backgrounds and yet I know for certain that she is my daughter.
Early on in our marriage, my husband and I already knew that we would be open to adoption but we didn’t really know when that would fit in our in our story. We were mindful of the fact that we didn’t want to distinguish our children as biological or adopted. We wanted to see and love them the same regardless of their DNA. We wanted to love them wholeheartedly, the way Jesus Christ loves us as his sons and daughters.
Adoption is right for you if you agree that God can build families by procreation and also by adoption. Neither of those two is better than the other. They’re different and equally wonderful.
3. If there is extra room in your heart & your home
After visiting an orphanage one day, I came home and my apartment that once felt small and cramped, suddenly looked spacious and under-utilized. I looked at my little living room and realized that if I got rid of some furniture, I could fit about 8 cribs in that space. I didn’t throw out our sofa that day but it was the moment when I knew that it was time to do my research on adoption and orphan-care.
Can make some room in your home and your heart for another child? If you recognize that you are blessed financially and can see yourself sacrificially loving another, we invite you to seriously consider the most radical form of hospitality – adoption. Opening your home to someone forever is hospitality and generosity to the fullest extent. It is simply saying to that child, “All I have is yours and I want you to share, experience, and take part in all that God has blessed me with.”
4. If you have been praying for a child
When my husband and I were praying about adoption we were also hoping to get pregnant at the same time. We had to come to a place where we said, “Ok, God, whichever comes first, comes first.” As we prayed about it, the order of events mattered less and less. We used to worry about their birth order and how one might affect the other. At the end of the day we decided that we weren’t going to distinguish between biological children or adopted children anyway. The words biological and adopted are really just describing how they came into your family and not their identity. Regardless of how they were to come to us, all we wanted was for them to come home as soon as possible.
If you’ve been praying for a child, it’s worth asking God if this child might be becoming to you through adoption. Some might feel that adoption is the back up plan and a less sacred way of having children. Scripture says otherwise. Adoption was never meant to be Plan B. John Piper puts it perfectly when he says-
“ Adoption in God’s mind was not Plan B. He predestined us for adoption before the creation of the world. Plan A was not lots of children who never sin and never need to be redeemed. Plan A was creation, fall, redemption, adoption so that the full range of God’s glory and mercy and grace could be known by his adopted children. Adoption was not second best. It was planned from the beginning.”
At the end of the day, if these things resonate with you, then a lot of the other details do not matter as much. The life stage you are in, the age, gender, and background of the child, the thoughts and perceptions of others – all of these things matter a little less if you have grasped the heart and power of adoption.
Maybe it is time to start to ask God whether or not this is for you before you brush the idea aside. Before you say, “It’s not for me but it would be really great for so and so…” could you pause for a bit and consider it for yourself. And, please, If you’re a Christian, say a prayer and ask God if this is something he wants you to do. You never know… His answer might surprise you.
If you find that your answer is “YES!” then we’re here to journey with you in building your family through adoption!
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